Mrs. Chang
by Hanako Miyuki
Summary: Wuffie-baby has triplets... and he's blaming it all on Duo! o.Ov


Mrs. Chang

[Hanako][1]

**Disclaimers apply. Characters used are not mine, not making money out of this, so please don't sue. Even the fic idea isn't mine, I just read it in a 'Fic Ideas You Wouldn't Want to See' list… and I just couldn't resist. Teehee! ^_^ Unfortunately, I forgot who wrote that. If you're out there, please let me know, so I can give you the credit you're due.**

**Extreme stupidity up ahead. Blame my muse Kazeyo for that. *Resigned sigh***

**Non-yaoi, kind of non-hentai. Kajimi is on vacation, so I'm using my own resources here. *Sweatdrop***

**Enjoy! ^_~**

*-*-*-*-*

It was all a big mistake. No, change that. It was a HUGE mistake. A very ENORMOUS mistake. One that proved itself the MOST STUPID mistake of all. Of course… the consequences were worse. Far, far worse. 

Wufei screamed in frustration. How could he have been so _idiotic_? On second thought, don't answer that question. It's too humiliating.

He screamed once more. What had started out to be a minute mistake none of them wanted to admit and be responsible for had spurned itself into something both of them would hate for the rest of their whole already damned lives. What was once a slip-up had turned into a question of honor and dignity, one Wufei had been forced to answer in a positive note. If you could call it that. 

The house shook itself when a third scream rang out. For a man of honor and dignity, Wufei was feeling quite undignified at the moment. Actually, he had never regained his dignity the morning after *that* happened.

Curse the alcohol Duo brought. Curse the bar Duo brought them to. Curse wild, illegal parties Duo throws. Curse Duo, to hell and back. Wufei is *so* going to kill him. Once he finds out where Duo's been hiding, that is. 

Why did he drink all that alcohol anyway? Oh yeah, stupid bet. A bet Duo started, at that. Oh yes, that braided baka is *so* dead.

Wufei tried to think back to that one night when this whole mess started. It was Duo's twenty-first birthday, and he invited every fellow he knew to a bar. Wufei had refused to come along, but Duo was persistent. The next thing he knew… he was getting drunk and getting laid with someone who was obviously as drunk as he was, if not more.

The morning after was awkward, so to speak. Actually, it was more like a scene out of a freaky movie. Wufei had opened his eyes and found them staring into the body of a girl. And of all the people he could have had screwed, it had to be *her*. He was about to pass out in shock when she opened *her* eyes, took one good look at him, and screamed.

Of course, both agreed to keep quiet about it. They agreed that nothing had happened. It was perfect. It was an agreement. Their lives were still going to be normal. They didn't have to talk or make contact with each other.

That was when Fate started to move in and ruin everything.

He could still remember the day she came to him, her eyes pleading and filled with worry. She had asked him to take responsibility for what at that time had seemed to be actions Duo had been responsible for. She had said there was no other way. People were far too inquisitive and nosy when it came to matters like these. They would know, whether she went for adoption or the other, more inhumane way of getting rid of an unwanted child. Obviously, that left no other alternative but marriage. 

At first they had thought that after the baby, they were going to live their lives quietly, and be as far away from each other.

But did Fate take that into consideration? Of course not.

They just *had* to had triplets, didn't they? Three fat, loud, annoying _baby boys_. It had been a whole lot easier when they were younger, but now they were a whole three and a half years old. 

Do you have *any* idea how hard and frustrating that is?

Of course not. You're not the one changing the diapers, washing dirty little butts, waking up every five minutes for the whole night just to sing some stupid baby song to _three_ hollering infants, cleaning after _three _very dirty meals a day…

You get the idea.

"PAPAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!! HEERO WON'T LET ME PLAY WITH HIS TOYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"PAPAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!! TROWA STARTED IT!!!!!!!!!"  
  


"PAPAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!! QUATRE ATE ALL THE CANDIES AND CHOCOLATES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"PAPAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Of course, naming his three sons after three of the most quiet Gundam pilots had not been effective in actually making _them_ quiet little angelic boys. That was another frustration. In fact, they all seemed to take after Duo. Loud, loud, and loud.

"ENOUGH!!!!!!!" His voice barked out, immediately shutting up the three toddlers.

"All of you, go to your rooms, stay there, and be quiet. I do not expect to hear the slightest noise from you, or else…" he threatened.

"Hai, papa," the three kids chorused. They knew better than to make their father angry.

As soon as all three children had gone out of sight, Wufei began to pace back and forth across the family room.

"Why? The injustice of it all! Oh, Nataku forgive me! This is so unfair! The punishment is too much! The torment! The torture! Oh Nataku save me from this grievous world! Nataku, save me from this outrageous hell! Oh Nataku, help me out of this great injustice!"

By now there were burn marks on the floor where his footprints used to be.

"The injustice! It's so unfair! I do not deserve this! Everything is wrong! UNJUST!!!"

It was during this time that his wife entered the room, just in time to catch him in one of his absurd justice rants.

"Tadaima! Oh Wufei dear, calm yourself. You can't keep doing that."

"Okaeri. It's those boys again! I was trying to think but they kept making noises! Oooh… to cut their tiny little tongues would prove great joy, but I have to admit torturing _Duo_ would prove greater…"

"Now, now. Violence is *not* the way to go. Taking things in a rational sense is definitely more effective. I mean, if everyone in the world just took the time to actually just *talk*, there would be a very harmonious system among all the colonies…"

"But everything is unfair! You have to blame it on Duo… the baka!"

"Oh dear… What did I just tell you? If you would just calm down and be *civil* to Duo, try to at least be domestic and peaceful, maybe you could rebuild your friendship. And you didn't have to kill. It's all done by peaceful means. I tell you, everyone needs to be a pacifist, like me, of course, then this world wouldn't be such a bad place to live in, you know…"

"Oh Relena, shut the crap up! I am *not* taking more of this nonsense about peace and non-violence means of living together. The war ended _years_ ago, for crying out loud!"

"Well… it's probably the same way _you_ shouldn't be talking about justice so much, since what happened to us is more on the category of _punishment_!"

"Are you shouting at me, woman?"

"Don't call me that!"

"Why? Is it because you're just a whiny little brat?"

"No, you jerk! Chauvinist!"

"Idiot!"

"Well I wasn't the one who led the way to the room!"  
  


"And I wasn't the one who did the seducing!"

"I wasn't the one who practically inhaled all the sake!"

"I wasn't the one who was sober enough to try to stop things!"

"I wasn't sober. I thought you were Heero!"

"So now tight black hair can count for unruly brown hair?"

"I wasn't sober!"

"Oh for crying out loud, you're _whining_ again!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Whatever happened to 'just talking'?"

"You don't count!"

"I'm not hearing this!"

"Well fine! Go ahead and go away! Stomp off to your tiny meditation room and waste your time standing still in a single position and neglect your family! See if I care!"

"Oh yeah? Well, I'll do just that! See if you can keep your noisy little kids quiet all by yourself!"

"I'm taking the bed tonight! You take the sofa!"

"Whatever."

With those words, Wufei stomped off into one direction and Relena stomped off to another.

*-*-*-*-*

_Later that night…_

"What are you doing here? I thought you were taking the sofa?"

Wufei gave an indignant sniff before answering his wife.

"Onna, you cannot put me out of _MY_ bed. Besides, your little brats spilled a lot of gunk on the couch."

"Oh. Well fine, but don't hog all the space."

*-*-*-*-*

_Meanwhile, in another part of the world…_

"I *told* you it was a good idea to put hidden cameras all over their house."

"Duo…"

"See? See? Aren't you guys _enjoying_ this?"

"But Duo… that was mean," Quatre spoke up from his place beside Trowa, "Isn't it, Tro-chan?"

"…"

"He's right, Duo. That wasn't very nice," Heero chided.

"Oh please," Duo rolled his eyes, "You guys have been telling me that for the past four years, the same way they've been married for the past four years. Look, I'm telling 'ya, one of these days they'll finally admit their feelings for each other."

"Didn't they just do that a while ago?"

"Nooo… I meant that they like each other, maybe even to the point of love."

"They do?"

"Come on. Relena wasn't Queen of the World when *that* happened, was she?"

"Um… no?"

"Right. So then people wouldn't really care, right?"

"Um… yeah?"

"And they could have just gotten divorce and split the babies, right?"

"Yeah… I guess…"  
  


"But they didn't, right?"

"Affirmative."

"And even if they keep saying one of them'll sleep on the sofa, it never happens, right?"

"I think?"

"And it's not because the sofa's dirty, correct?"

"Uh-huh."

"And you have to admit, they were as sober as Heero when *that* happened, right? And Heero just drank three bottles, right? So that made him just a wee bit drunk, right?"

"Yes, I think, and I guess."

"See? They're just making excuses!"

"Well… I guess I kind of see where you're coming from…" Quatre said.

"See? Told you so."

"Even then, you shouldn't have meddled," Heero stated.

"And what meddling did I do? I just invited you guys to party, made a bet with Mr. Justice, and they took off from there! I wasn't even expecting that to happen!"

"Duo, you know he's out for your blood."

"Yeah, well, watching his home videos makes it all worth it."

"Right. But Wufei and Relena? What a… a… a _scary_ thought."

"I know!" With that, the braided ex-pilot burst out laughing.

"Duo, you are so… so… so… so Duo!"

**~~~OWARI~~~**

I finished it! [Ducks from angry fans.] GOMEN NASAI, MINNA!!! I just… I just… I just wanted to write a fic. Blame Kazeyo for that. It's all her fault!  
Um… well, two ficcies for Aishiteru. ^_^ Yesterday was Oct. 6, my bday, and I'm feeling a bit on the insane side so I decided to pass this plus one other fic, making it three submitted ficcies in one week. Yeah. Right. -_-*

**Anyway, feedback is welcome. Please give me lots of it! What Duo's braid is to Duo, comments are to me! No flames please! Just mail [me][1] and I'll appreciate it.**

**Arigato! @. ~**

# Finished July 2, 2000

**©Hanako 2000**

   [1]: mailto:hanako_miyuki@yahoo.com



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